Tag Archives: lists

23 Things That Are Easy to Forget About When You’re Just Living Life in San Francisco

This is not normal.

This is not normal.

1. Weather.

2. Styrofoam.

3. Bugs, specifically mosquitoes and lightening bugs.

4. Free parking.

5. Warm summer nights when you can sit outside in a short-sleeved shirt and enjoy an ice cold beer.

6. Industries besides the tech industry.

7. Conservatives.

8. Free plastic bags at Target.

9. Unkempt facial hair.

10. The midwest.

11. Bad food.

12. Rainfall.

13. Bricks.

14. Restaurants without a vegetarian option.

15. Shirt collars.

16. Humidity.

17. The freedom and responsibility to judge others for all personal choices without any guilt.

18. Sandals. It’s always too cold for my poor little toesies.

19. Seasons.

20. Common sense.

21. The morals you grew up with.

22. Rent under $1,000 a month for a room in a crappy apartment in a less-than-ideal area of town.

23. Adulthood.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , ,

11 Ways to Be Normal around Your New Roommates

Wait patiently and consistently for eye contact.

1. Never socialize. The only place for you when other people are home is your room. Give them their space.

2. Let them know you respect them by leaving notes on their milk insisting you didn’t take any. Do this for their hand soap, towels, and anything that you ever had the opportunity of using but didn’t.

3. Tidy up their rooms when they’re gone.

4. Wait up for them on weekends.

5. Hide.

6. Give them the option of using your toothbrush.

7. Make sure it’s very clear that you know exactly how much peanut butter you have and if anyone uses it, you’ll go CRAZY. Laugh.

8. Laugh whenever you can, especially by yourself or right as someone walks in the room.

9. Be especially energetic in the mornings.

10. Become a common enemy for the other roommates to bond around by stealing a girl’s shirt and wearing it blatantly.

11. Never close the bathroom door completely or stop smiling.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Pasta, Pizza, Espaghetti

Has anyone else noticed Italy looks like a boot? Weird.

So I’m heading to Italy today. In 25 minutes I will be leaving my house to bake in the noon heat for 10 minutes before getting into a cab taking us to the airport and then getting into a big ol’ airplane and flying away for a short 9 day trip where I will sample the wonders of Rome, San Benedetto del Tronto,  and Bologna.

Goals for the trip:

1. Eat Italian food. This one could prove to be difficult. I hear Italian food is hard to find and usually expensive when you do. Luckily, there are some great websites that have miraculously located places with passable fare.

2. Drink fermented Italian beverages. I’m no alkie but sometimes the fact you  can only choose between expensive crap and cheap crap here in Egypt gets annoying. Besides, I hear there are more than 4 beer choices in Italy. Rumor only? We shall see.

3. Sit in a meadow and breathe.

4. Nap on the beach in a one piece bathing suit.

5. Find something with little blue flowers on it to purchase and call my own. Place in someone else’s bag and claim they stole it.

6. Find cool gifts for the family to replace what I originally planned to bring back for them: pyramid keychains and little piles of sand.

7. Get in as many people’s photos as possible while at touristy sites like the Colosseum and the Pope’s wax museum.

8. Go to a hair salon and get my bangs cut. Refuse to pay and see what happens.

9. Speak with an Italian accent the whole time and see how many best friends I make.

10. Verify my hypothesis that Spanish and Italian are actually the same language.

11. Take a nap at least once.

12. Claim I am the direct descendant of the last emperor and declare my rule over Italy via public service announcement.

13. Pretend to be German and wear socks with my sandals.

14. Coat myself in glue and then roll in macaroni. Run through the streets screaming like the famous Italian macaroni monster.

15. Say “Mamma mia!” as many times as possible.

16. Stare at my travel companion on the train when he’s not looking at me and then look away quickly when he suspects something. Repeat continually.

17. Politely ask flight attendants to not make eye contact with me and explain I usually sit in the first class but there was a misunderstanding with my company and they booked the wrong ticket.

18. Blend in with the locals by covering my face in pizza sauce.

19. Pick and eat my own wild mushrooms.

20. Make a new facebook friend.

21. Fight a wild boar to the death. Eat its flesh.

22. Purchase a new spear and go truffle hunting.

That about covers it. Wish me luck on my adventures that will likely center around deciding which restaurant to eat at next; nothing too scary. I probably won’t be blogging while in Italy, but as soon as I get back I will go into a blogging frenzy that won’t stop until I’ve communicated all of the awesome thoughts I had while abroad, which are bound to be many.

Tagged , , , , ,

Ramadominating

Saw this on the first of my many breakfast walks

The Ramadan sun sets over Cairo. A tumbleweed blows through Messaha Square. One man hurries homeward in the twilight, eager to get to his loved ones.  It appears that Cairo itself has come to a halt.

These scenes characterize the time of the break fast, when all of Cairo gathers with friends or family around food seasoned with hunger, the best of spices, and prepares to eat for the first time that day. Yet while most everyone else is otherwise occupied, this hour between 6:30 and 7:30 is my time to shine. It’s ramadominate time.

At this hour I take full advantage of the lack of traffic and prowl the streets, experiencing what life in Cairo would be like if it were pleasant, devoid of its constant din. While I walk, I also get a chance to stare at people as they break the fast together near their vegetable carts or coffee shops. Don’t mind my staring, I’m just ramadominating.

These walks I go on are only one of many ways I am currently squeezing the best juice out of my time grapes (30 rock reference), and when I say these walks I should clarify that I’ve only done this once, but have every intention of doing it again. You might be asking yourself how you can ramadominate as well. Here’s some advice that I have found helpful:

Do not go to bed before 5 am, and while you’re at it, you can forget about “morning.” True ramadomiators do not wake up before 1 pm.

Spend plenty of time on the internet looking at blogs about strangers’ “musings,” occasionally performing a half hearted craig’s list job search.

Stare at the two glasses of water that have been sitting on the table for about a week and decide they can wait until tomorrow to be put into the kitchen.

Eat Egyptian brand Ramen noodles once a week for sustenance, and peanut butter for all other meals except for dinner which you should eat in an expensive restaurant, spending more than what is reasonable for your salary, which is in peanuts.

Mooch off of people that have nicer apartments complete with un-mysterious stoves and cook things in them. In general, one should impose on others’ hospitality as much as possible in true ramadominate fashion.

Convince yourself that reading a classic novel for 30 minutes a day makes up for the fact you pay no attention to the news whatsoever and obtain most of your information in digest form from your more intelligent and well informed friends.

But expensive sample packs of Ritter chocolate and look forward to when you will be able to eat one and drink your coffee at 8 o’clock in the evening. Silently curse your friends when they make plans that interfere with this date with yourself.

This is by no means a comprehensive list of how you can ramadominate, but it contains the most important element: the creepy sleep schedule.  Eventually I plan to become completely nocturnal and sleep from 10 am to 6 pm, at which point I will be awarded the Nobel Prize in Ramadominating for figuring out the way to enjoy the best and coolest parts of the day.

Tagged , , , , , ,
Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: