She just drank curdled milk.
Do you ever have those days when you wake up and before you finish making a cup of coffee you feel the impending doom and think, “Uh oh…. existential crisis.”
On these days, the most mundane and routine actions are the ones most likely to send you spiraling down an endless and ultimately fruitless contemplation of what it’s all about. The thin fibers of normalcy that hold your days together become themselves something to be examined and prove to be just as flimsy as the skin on the top of a glass of overheated milk, something that can be poked at and punctured.
What am I doing here? Why am I doing it? What’s the end goal for this week, this month, this life? Does what I do even matter? Should I brush my teeth today? Pants are so weird. The world is too arbitrary. I’m eating ice cream for breakfast because I can’t figure out what matters.
The old answers that you tell yourself for some reason don’t quite ring true today and it seems like you could fall through the living world to a different place if you’re not too careful. Appearances seem more like facades covering up reality and the truth that lurks beneath is undoubtedly dark.
On days like this, you still drink the tea made with a little bit of curdled milk. There wasn’t too much, you reason. It’s probably fine, you say. And you loathe yourself.
Sleep beckons you, but there is much work to do, even if you can’t quite figure out why. You know tomorrow will make sense again and the world will seem more solid, especially because you will have moved into your new place and won’t run into Sam anymore in the kitchen. He’s one of those where, just like girls periods move into synch after living together, your kitchen movements have synched and so every time you’re in there you’re constantly in each other’s way even though it’s not a small kitchen. It’s maddening and awkward, especially because neither of you find the other very funny and your jokes simultaneously fall flat as you try to make small talk.
Yes, life without Sam will be better. And you should really get more sleep and not eat ice cream for breakfast. The issue will resolve itself by disappearing, like it always does, and you will go back to the bright world even if you don’t quite know what it means.
Snotting black 
Nicely put!
aah… youth… you have the luxury of not worrying that you’re at death’s door and every fucking decison you make matters.
Today was as you exactly described, but thanks to your blog am going to bed with a smile leaving the beer at the table. Thanks a bunch
Sounds like the best of all worlds. Sometimes feeling existential makes me feel deep.
Oh, even a pest like Sam is missed when you don’t have him to run into any more. ‘Sigh’
Maybe I will miss that guy….I haven’t yet though.
I’m in a year long crisis like that! As much as I don’t wish those days upon anyone else, it certainly is reassuring to know that there are others out there wondering the same big and small wonderings that I am. Great Ariel shot too. 🙂 Loved the post.
Some days are always better than others, and I guess that’s true no matter how good the days are.
I sure have days like this (minus the Sam part) – and they generally revolve around my job. Sigh.
It’s good to know I’m not the only one.
Unfortunately for some of us, most days are like this.
Oh blurg.
That’s not a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s an oncoming train. Just kidding.
Can I just leave the tunnel then? I hear there are nice things outside.
Entertaining, as always, honest and straight to the point. Insanity comes from too many consecutive days like these. Hopefully this blog will give others hope of a light at the end of a rapidly shortening tunnel. Thank you
Love it!
Sent from my iPhone
Thanks for reading!