Today I Wear Underpants

This photo is only half staged.

Warning: much exaggerated complaining followed by lighthearted ending. Use this information well.

It’s the last week of school and I am a disheveled shadow of a human. My aspirations of being fluent in Arabic have turned into the desire to live through the final day of my program, which is today.  Monday was not good. I woke up eight minutes before class feeling like death incarnate and rushed out of the house pen-less and still wearing my bed hair.

I had ten minutes to prepare for a presentation that was 20% of my grade. Luckily for me, I decided earlier this semester  that I don’t believe in grades. I ate 14 raw almonds for breakfast during class and afterwards wolfed down a falafel sandwich before taking a four hour nap, waking up just in time to skype with mother who silently judged me for my apparent sloth.

I felt defeated as usual here in Cairo, and I’ve come to realize that this city has utterly wiped me out and used me like a plaything.

My program ends today and I return to the states in a mere 2 weeks. I should be happy, but ahead of me looms a formidable job hunt in one of the most expensive cities in the world. This life-consuming job hunt must take place in the same month that I plan and attend a bachelorette party, a bridal shower, an afterglow brunch (ew), a  boyfriend’s visit, and a family vacation in which I’ll be forced to leave my mountain grove and actually socialize.

I’m looking from a place of exhaustion forward to months of exhaustion with no apparent end.  I’m staring from a position of defeat towards a future me curled on the ground with HR representatives kicking me in the stomach while chewing up my resume and spitting it at me. Things look grim.

In times like this, I can only do one thing. I take out my planner and write down the secret that will give me the strength to go on and conquer my fears and climb the mountains and brush the hair. At the very top of my to-do list I write “wear underwear.”

Can two words change a life? Yes.

After donning my underthings, I cross off the first task on my to-do list and breathe deeply while I look at the twenty things I have left, my rear end carefully caressed by a familiar pair of unmentionables. Yes, today is my day. I’m beginning the rest of my life and I’m wearing underpants.

You, world, may be tough and you may have well dressed people who don’t want to hire me and you may have chatty cousins that distract me from the book I want to read but I, dear world, am wearing underpants and anything is possible.

Who wears the underpants? I DO! Who’s not afraid? I’M NOT! Who’s going to stop crying and leave her mother’s closet today? ME!

WHAT TIME IS IT? UNDERPANTS TIME! WHO ARE WE? UNDERPANTERS! WHAT DO WE DO? WIN!

P.S. Things really aren’t that bad. I’m going on vacation to Ethiopia today. Yay!

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24 thoughts on “Today I Wear Underpants

  1. Isn’t that the one thing our mothers always told us before we leave the house; make sure we have on clean underwear. Surprise to those that catch me on a day when I decide to go commando. Somehow it is during these times that I feel bravest.

  2. AW Lucky you!!! Share pics, I haven’t been back home in years. I love your blogs btw, Its become apart of my ritual to read one while i drink my morning tea. 🙂

  3. Yippee for underpants!!

  4. Roly says:

    Underwear is good …. most times, providing it’s not the creeping kind 🙂

  5. Road Trip!!!!!
    U P O (underpants optional)

  6. tomwisk says:

    Didn’t your mom tell you to always wear clean undrwear? I know it’s a bit constricting but you never know. Enjoy your vacation and stay safe.

  7. Mom says:

    Love your attitude and glad you still remember to wear them.

  8. Rich Crete says:

    Just try not to forget the key possessive: Wear my own underwear

  9. jensine says:

    I think wearing underwear s a good idea, but only if it’s not in the way, or itchy

  10. Also, conundrum: how would you motivate a nudist who doesn’t believe in underpants?

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