WTF Was I Thinking: Real Quotes from the Ravings of a Traveling Madwoman

imageI wrote a lot during my 50-day travel adventure, sometimes at night debriefing the day I just had, sometimes during the day when I saw something bizarre or thought of an idea that seemed worth writing down. Naturally, all of these notes made perfect sense at the time. That being said, I read through everything yesterday and I wrote some pretty strange crap that sounds more like the ravings of a madwoman than anything else.

At any rate, I’d like to share some of my funnier, more bizarre, and enigmatic clips with you. So here’s some of the mental froth I felt compelled to write down. May it make more sense to you than it does to me.

6.29.2014 – Left San Francisco and flew to Chicago

Go after your dreams. Do the shit you love. Follow your passions. Poop yourself and clean it up. It’s going to be something.

I’m going to bitch slap you and your homeschool hands, long skirt and top with sleeves of the same pattern, looks home made but probably came from Macy’s. [In reference to someone in front of me at Caribou Coffee who was taking a long time to order]

6.30.2014 – Chicago

I was kind of hoping that my ear excezma medicine would cause a scene at security. I practically ran through there – my toothpaste was over 3 oz. SUCK IT TSA. It’s an act of mild subversion.

7.1.2014 – Evanston, IL

I want to know have you ever raced bird going across Davis street.

My banana is getting browner and browner, but I don’t want to eat it. Not yet. Huge dump in the toilet.

Always the dilemma – should I just go knock on people’s doors?

7.3.2014 – Nashville, TN

We are hitting up the hard core bougie part of Nashville, and it’s just like – get me some of that trashy stuff. (In reference to eating at a place called Jeni’s ice cream in Nashville)

7.4.2014 – Nashville, TN

Happy Freaking Birthday, You Sassy Daughter of an Empire, oh US of America (trying to come up with blog titles for the day)

7.5.2014 – Nashville, TN

Day after 4th of July and I’m like – whoah there is still hot dog in my stomach […] There is no way I’m going to be able to eat biscuits and gravy when it comes time to eat biscuits and gravy but then again, I’ll definitely be able to eat biscuits and gravy when it comes time to eat them, you know?

Did you know that when you write USA over and over again it just ends up looking like you wanted to say sausage but couldn’t quite get it out over the excitement.

7.9.2014 – Marietta, GA

[On this day, Baby Geniuses was playing on television and I felt the need to take a lot of notes about it. Because I took so many, I won’t include them here. I just wanted to make sure you knew that had happened. Also, that Baby Geniuses is an incredible movie.]

Drawing a turd on the paper. [In reference to a doodle I’d drawn that really did just look like a piece of poo.]

7.10.2014 – Marietta, GA

A dystopian future where semen never dies. [Maybe I was thinking about concepts for books?]

7.11.2014 – Marietta, GA

Okay, let’s be real. It’s just you, me, and this $20 bill for McCracken’s tonight.

7.12.2014 – On the way to Asheville, NC

I can’t do this. Yes you can. No I can’t. Yes you can. [In reference to writing a blog post. I was very tired.]

Spartanburg was terrifying. Imagine a beautiful city without any people in it nestled in the blue ridge mountains. That’s what it was. I think I’m officially a city person. I think that’s what it is. It’s just hard to live somewhere where you can’t see everything all set out before you. Lumpy places indeed.

7.15.2014 – Black Mountain, NC

For starters, I went on an 11 mile hike today – partially on purpose and partially on accident, part of which I was scared I was either going to be eaten by a bear or shot by a bear hunter. I looked down and I was wearing a green shirt, black pants and a grey backpack. I looked like the forest. I might as well have been wearing a bear suit.

7.18.2014 – Black Mountain, NC

Forced myself to wake up for dinner so I could go load up on coffee bcause that’s what I live for. I can easily live without alcohol but I think I’d die for a long time without living if I didn’t have any coffee.

OK I’M BACK FROM DINNER. I had four cups of coffee and some broccoli and some banana cream pie pudding stuff that I know is that not that good but I think it’s so good. Why God?

7.20.2014 – Greenville, SC

Everything is drive thru in South Carolina. Even I’m just driving thru.

7.20.2014 – Charlotte, NC

I know I said I wanted to become an actor and all, but I think what I’ve really become is a wi-fi sponge. Thanks, iPad.

7.23.2014 – Washington, D.C.

love that spacefoil

7.26.2014 – On the Megabus to Boston from D.C.

Realized there are outlets up above me
Germans are eating their sandwiches
Internet is cutting out, causing some tension between the father and daughter.
The Germans’ sandwiches smell really good.
Running into traffic
It’s so slow – so do something else – read a book – I don’t want to – then sleep
It really smells like BBQ in this bus
Neck is hurting
Big yawn behind me
Cardigan’s on
Butt is hurting
buttdate: update

8.1.2014 – NYC, NY

Before food and coffee: NOTHING IS POSSIBLE
After food and coffee: I AM INVINCIBLE

New York City is terrifying. People here are out for blood. Everything is anonymous and people live lonely, isolated lives. Here it’s fight to the death, and while some can’t spend money fast enough, others struggle to even survive. Going outside is dangerous because you might get crushed under the weight of all the human souls in the city. In fact, your own soul might get lost. You need to be careful about that sort of thing.

8.4.2014 – NYC, NY

Did that dude just take a dump and then throw the toilet paper out in the trashcan in the living room? Probably not. [Was people watching at a coffee shop.]

8.20.2014 – San Francisco, CA

Within a day of arriving back in San Francisco, I saw what I think were two public sexual acts in Golden Gate Park.

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2 thoughts on “WTF Was I Thinking: Real Quotes from the Ravings of a Traveling Madwoman

  1. themodernidiot says:

    7/18, 7/20, & Sausage. High five. Thanks for an excellent laugh 🙂

  2. Zack says:

    This reminds me of when I used to take notes when I was drinking all the time. I had all sorts of bar napkins and Keno boards with total crap on them.

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