Why Exercising is the Worst

Yup, that’s about right.

I have about a billion and one problems with exercising, aside from the fact I struggle doing it regularly. First of all, I can never spell the freaking word. I always get the c and the s and the z* mixed up and yes I do have a college degree and even if I went back and got every single degree I would still misspell exercising because it is accursed.

Aside from spelling, one of my personal struggles with exercising stems from the fact I only have one sports bra and hate doing laundry more than three times in three months. This becomes a problem when I try to exercise every day, because as one exercises, one’s body produces sweat, a combination of accumulated self-loathing and lethargy that melts and drips out of the body’s pores and into clothing in a most unattractive way. This sweat often has a scent that reminds me of herds of large animals running in the midsummer sun. What I’m trying to say is my bra gets gross and I hate having to do a special load of laundry just to satisfy my exercising habit.

Probably the biggest issue I have with exercising is that it is never-ending. It’s not possible to work out regularly and extremely for three years and have the effects last longer than a couple months. There’s no internal bank of exercise credit in which one may store up and then slowly distribute all of the hard work that has been put into the body. One can sweat their eyeballs out for six months and then one month later, their bodies never remember leaving the kitchen.

At any time during a phase of regular exercise, the anti-motivation demon comes to call. My alarm goes off in the morning and instantly I start making excuses as to why I’m unable to leave buddy the bed and complete the scheduled routine. My throat’s scratchy, there’s not enough time, I’m too sore from yesterday, the other runners will jeer at me, my clothes are too dark, etc. As my mind grasps at any possible excuse to not leave the house, I know the whole time that I am sabotaging myself and will never be a person that has the healthy-person glow, a glow that can be imitated, but not reproduced exactly, through the use of alcohol.

As I lie in bed convincing myself that my legs will fall off if I start running, another part of me says, “You are pathetic. You know you could go running. You know you’re not sick and that it won’t be that hard. But look at you, all soft and squishy, curled up in bed. You should have known you wouldn’t be able to exercise regularly.” After a while I start agreeing with the voice. “I am sad and flabby. I don’t deserve the healthy glow.”

And then I stay in bed and hate myself for it, even more than I hated myself for rarely exercising. Thus I’ve concluded it’s best not to start the whole ordeal, just as it’s better to never love. When no one loses, everyone wins.

*”But there’s no z in exercising!” You might say. Why, then, do I put it in there every single time I type the word? There must be a z! There must!

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51 thoughts on “Why Exercising is the Worst

  1. nicole says:

    oh goodness yes

  2. […] a blogger called Snotting Black. If you haven’t read it I recommend you do, you can find it here. When you’re done reading come back and take a look at my […]

  3. Hey I loved your post it was funny and I can relate to everything you said! I wrote a response to this post because it’s something I feel strongly about. Take a look here http://blogdaysofmylife.wordpress.com/2012/07/28/my-view-on-exercise/
    Thanks again for the post I really liked it!

  4. davetwhite says:

    Surely exercise isn’t THAT bad huh? Although, I must admit, I do provide enormous amounts of laughter while I’m on the treadmill.. Kind of like a skinny elephant running on a wire.. blind folded.

  5. grenobloise says:

    I have the same problem with the spelling of “Exercise”! I often write “Working out” instead just to avoid it! I hate myself for not exercising enough on an almost daily basis! I even have a nice aerobics DVD (and it’s a 90 day thing) which I bought a year ago and I still have not managed following through! Ughh *shame* ..

  6. There muzt be a z! 🙂 Perseverance takes hard work. (Did I spell the p word right? :S ha ha ha) The battle against the anti-motivation demon is an epic one!

  7. Lanthie Ransom says:

    I will do ANYHING to get out of exercising! Great post……

  8. I always “suggest” things, because I’m never sure on the spelling of “recommend.”

    • edrevets says:

      I love it….I wonder what’s wrong with our brains that makes it impossible to remember the spelling to these words? Too much peanut butter in the youth?

  9. Chubby Chatterbox says:

    What a fun post. As my name should imply, I’m not much into exercising, although a do swim three times a week. I just found your blog and I think it’s great. I hope you’ll visit me sometime at Chubby Chatterbox.

  10. I hate it too. Partly because I wish I were one of those people who loved it, but I just can’t seem to brain wash myself into it… here’s a little bra advice. (Old college trick from back when I couldn’t afford more than a few bras.) Hop in the shower with it still on! Soap it up, rinse it out, then hang it over the towel rod. Works wonders…. and you won’t have to do a whole load of laundry. Just don’t try it with your blue jeans!

  11. Roly says:

    Reblogged this on Comedy in Crisis and commented:
    LOL Funny post as usual. Pay SB a visit and follow if you like to laugh.

  12. I can’t spell exercise and restaurant. See, spell check has to save me every time.

  13. ardent and awkward in austin says:

    Clearly, your inclination to misspell “exercise” is a Freudian slip. Le duh. You put the Zzzzz in exercize. Ha! 😉

  14. I totally can’t blame you. That’s my theory too! So I don’t even try. 😉

    I consider myself a good speller, but I always have to think about the word ‘exercise’ as well. And I didn’t even think it was weird in the beginning of the post when you said you mix up the c, s and Z. I was like, “oh yeah, the z, I always mix that up too.”

  15. cassiebehle says:

    I think once you get into the habit of exercising regularly, it can be one of the best feelings in the world and something you look forward to because it can literally take the stress of the day off your shoulders (think yoga or bar method). Challenging yourself constantly to become physically fit or to improve upon it is such an ongoing struggle, but one that leads to a feeling of accomplishment in knowing that you did it – even if it’s walking daily. Plus, ENDORPHINS!!! 🙂

    • edrevets says:

      Meh, I’ll nap instead.

      Kidding, I know exercise is good, but there’s something about it that makes it one of the harder things to do. I’d rather be writing.

  16. I can relate. Sometimes the hardest part about getting a workout in, is fighting off all those rationalizations of why I shouldn’t do it or can’t do it, or just plain don’t want to do it, and finally summoning up the will to get off my ass and go do it.

    Then, when I finally get to the gym or the pool, or get on my bike, and actually start working out enough to hit a rhythm, I realize that working out is not nearly as hard as expending all that mental and emotional energy trying to avoid working out. But unfortunately, this is a lesson that I often have to relearn.

    Sometimes what works for me, is to just firmly say out loud to myself, “Just DO it! Stop wearing yourself out trying to avoid doing it, and just DO it right now!”

    This doesn’t always work, but it works more often than it doesn’t… Good luck, Emily.

    • edrevets says:

      Thanks—it’s so true that exercise is never as bad as you picture it when lying in bed. I’m going to get out there and get it today. Don’t you worry.

  17. Use of alcohol, I quite like idea. Perhaps one should experiment with different levels of alcohol to see if one can achieve the desired effect – Maybe videoing the results (Not quite sure why I turned into the queen in the previous statement).

  18. artzent says:

    I agree, go against the spell checker. Rebellion is good. I have it easy because I have a big garden and I love to work in it so hardly notice I am exerciZsing!

  19. miss1sue says:

    hahaha I misspell it all the time too

  20. Pleun says:

    Sounds all too familiar…

  21. evea192 says:

    I have a health walker in my living room as an ornament, it just stands there….

  22. singlelezgurl says:

    I loved this, thank you

  23. tom says:

    Sorry, but nobody can spell today. Try spell check:)

  24. tomwisk says:

    Use the z. Spelling nitpickers be damned. Exercise sucks but you’ve got to do some, even if it’s doing the supermarket marathon on Saturday morning.

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