My Mind, The Cupcake

A cupcake from the wedding. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

My mind has turned into a cupcake. I was afraid this would happen. Instead of synapses firing interesting and creative notions from the different loci of my mind, communicating the thoughts that will drive today into tomorrow and allow me to remember to zip my fly, buttercream frosting clogs my mental passageways.

Drooling results.

Sprinkles have taken the place of ideas, and lace wrappers are now in operation instead of my hypothalamus. Keeping physical and mental balance proves more difficult daily.

All acts of thinking, consideration, pondering, and planning that used to occur in my frontal lobe have been replaced with various cream fillings, fruits, and polka dots. The only things I’m really capable of doing anymore are underarm-sweating, head-scratching, and mouth-breathing.

My brain is adorable and trendy but I now need a caretaker.

Oh god will please someone help me. I ate a poptart and peanut butter crackers for lunch today. Is that a complete meal? Who am I? What is this leaking out of my ears?

I’ve heard about cupcake brain syndrome, which results from too much time spent applying to food service jobs on Craig’s list. Letters, numbers, names blur together into a soft, frosting like combination that begins to look tasty to the job searcher. Sometimes electronic equipment begins to malfunction from the surfeit of saliva that drips over the keyboard and is sometimes applied directly with the tongue onto the screen.

The eyes glaze over, the mouth hangs, and a real career seems to drift farther and farther away into the night, which is never ending. Soon, common words take on different meanings. “Experienced,” “Go-Getter,” “Detail-Oriented,” acquire personalities of their own, are thugs that torture the cupcake brain. Nanny nanny boo boo, they say. The mouth drools on.

Yes, dear friend, this is the great San Francisco job search of 2012. How will it end? Will it ever end? Will there be just another college graduate’s skeleton decorating a sunny road near the bay? Will the dress pants ever be worn in an office environment? How long does it take for a poptart-heavy diet to result in malnutrition? Will there be super powers?

Stay tuned, for all shall be revealed in due time. When the hands stop shaking, when the eyebrow stops twitching, when the stomach stops clenching. All shall be revealed. And yes, my sister is married now but who cares? I need a job.

P.S. I will talk about the wedding more, most likely when I can get better juice from my mind grapes.

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16 thoughts on “My Mind, The Cupcake

  1. […] mind becomes numb as you troll Craig’s List, and even the dubious sounding Candy Puff girl “marketing” position […]

  2. Your cupcake mind can still write a fascinating read for a blog post… Hang in there. I know this phase you’re in now is hard, but it will get better… No matter how things may seem at certain times right now, it will get better.

  3. Get strawberry cupcakes. That way you’re getting some fruit.

  4. artzent says:

    I await with bated breath! LOL

  5. Green tea and mint make a very good brain douche. Works on both right and left sides and that mysterious primitive core.No telling what might come flying outta there.
    I LOVE PIE !!! See,like that. ICE CREAM !!!

  6. tomwisk says:

    Cupcakes are nice. Some of the best politicians have cupcakes for brains. See you can expand your job search. My brain? Wrapped in puff pastry stuffed with a mix of minced ‘shrooms and shallots.

  7. My mind is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a Cornish pasty.

  8. Hang in there. Try cheezwiz.

  9. jensine says:

    what flavour … my mind is liquorice and vanilla … all tightly packed in a stripy doily and a chocolate button on top … but that may be what happens when you are job hunting in Dublin … yes I too need work a I only teach during the semester and the economy is saying NO to any free-lance people trying to scrape by … but hey at least we could have tea-party together and share the secret power of spraying icing from our finger-tips

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