Cats Are Attacking My Mind

The keeper of the gate to hell.

I was going to write a blog post, but instead I spent three hours looking at pictures of cats licking their paws. For one hundred and eighty minutes I was spun through various levels of cat-lover-heaven, which is most other people’s hell, as I saw photo after photo of Patches delicately cleaning himself with all the poise and precision of the Mother Queen. It was terribly mesmerizing and I lost track of time and self.

But the saga doesn’t end there.

Hours later, I found myself waking up from some kind of stupor and realized that I was surrounded by horrible, bizarre, and altogether disturbing drawings of—what else?—cats licking their paws. It looked like a crazed zookeeper had escaped from a lifelong prison sentence and gone on a grotesque artistic binge.

The obvious, though terrifying, conclusion was that I had perpetrated these awful depictions, depictions that could only be used to cause human torment. I had been taken by cuteness-madness. What does this mean? Is my mind so fragile that something harmless like a few hours spent enjoying pictures of cats cleaning themselves could cause me to lose consciousness and perform acts of unspeakable horror?

Does this mean I’m unfit to live in this society? What if I’m walking through a park and see too many babies, puppies, or volleyball players and the madness takes me again? How will I explain my sickness to my family? How will I hide the monstrosity that is me?  I can only burn so many pictures before I start trying to sell them on the internet and then how will I explain myself? I certainly can’t blog about it.

Maybe I will find healing in twitter, and through tweeting the disfigured demons of my own creation to my small following I will be able to purge myself.

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20 thoughts on “Cats Are Attacking My Mind

  1. I’m a dog person, but I can get sucked into the vortex with animal gifs. It is as normal as we can expect in the 21st century.

  2. OOoooo…. cat lovers beware. They are an alien presence brought to this earth from the furthest reaches of space and time. They are proof in kind of the positive existence of ET’s. And One of Three has been mind fogged and taken prisoner. Oh my!!!!

  3. TomartoSoup says:

    I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you. If you had been scrolling through Facebook for one hundred and eighty minutes, THAT’S when you should question your sanity.

    • edrevets says:

      I haven’t been there for a long time, but I do believe you’re right. Sometimes the two can combine and create a powerful internet-demon.

  4. Abandon Hope All Who Enter Here….
    We will guide you away from this madness.

  5. I once spent over an hour looking at pictures of baby animals. It turns into a short-term obsession, really.

    • edrevets says:

      One of my friends found her current facebook banner picture when she searched baby animal friends online….it’s a tiger cub and a monkey baby cuddling. And yes, it’s dangerously adorable.

  6. That keeper is one beautiful cat! Relax and enjoy yourself!

  7. Archon's Den says:

    Looked at this post, looked at my gravatar, and finally realized why my brain is so screwed up. Gotta get me a Rottweiler or Doberman. Won’t have to feed it for the first couple of days. Have four tasty little dog-treats clawing the furniture.

  8. Rich Crete says:

    If you made the awwwwwwwwwwwwwe noise more than twice during your 180 minutes, it’s too late for you. We’ll try to save ourselves.

  9. tomwisk says:

    Okay, let me talk you down. I’ve been there. The cats have a hidden ability to look cute doing the most mundane things. You’ve got to realize that. If they didn’t they’d be out the door two minutes after they sharpened their claws on your couch. They know this. Just picture this; You’re asleep dreaming unicorn dreams. You feel something walking on your matress. You open a sleepy eye and see Fluffy approaching with breakfast for you. A mouse, or moth, or grasshopper. Not so cute, huh. Just doing my job.

    • edrevets says:

      This is true…I guess….by the by, I was looking at a site that had pictures of animals and there were 22,000 pictures of cats and only 8,000 pictures of dogs. I’m not sure what this proves, but it does say something about those cats.

  10. minlit says:

    ….joinnnnn us.
    It is only in the soft fluffy underbelly of society that you can vanquish the furballs of your mind.

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