Tag Archives: conservative politics

BREAKING NEWS: Fox News Found Playing at San Francisco Cafe

Fox News at a Cafe in San FranciscoSAN FRANCISCO, CA — It was just another sunny Sunday morning in the Inner Sunset district of San Francisco. Parents were out walking their children and their dogs on the way to wait in line at breakfast places while the merchants of the local farmer’s market were displaying their produce and engaging with potential customers.

In the cafes, baristas prepared morning brews for a hungover or elderly clientele and the world rested and rejoiced in the last day of the weekend. Everything seemed right in the world. Birds flew, leaves rustled in the wind, and internet flowed endlessly to mobile devices.

But unbeknownst to the outside world, a cataclysmic clash of paradigms was occurring inside one humble San Francisco cafe, Cafe la Flore. Someone in this daring establishment had chosen to eschew cultural norms, and instead of CNN or MSNBC on the flatscreen,  this cultural deviant put on Fox news.

Yes indeed, Fox news was the choice of this humble cafe, the channel that has been called by locals a conservative propaganda machine, the opiate of barbaric and uneducated rubes, and in one case, the mouth of Sauron himself.

The very name evokes scoffing or even disdain from the average San Franciscan, who has never watched the channel except when there happened to be clips from it on The Colbert Report or The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. The gluten-free, vegetarian, and meat-loving liberal hordes dursn’t set eyes on the accursed channel lest their rational minds be perverted by the conservative backwash spewing from the two tongued mouths of Fox News robber barons.

Yet, in the face of this considerable cultural discrimination, some brave and likely isolated soul has hissed into the face of the liberal majority, defying them with a quiet yet potent act of subversion.

The world outside this cafe continues on, oblivious to the astonishing and all-together unforgettable political tension here in Cafe La Flore, but I and the man next to me both know the significance of this day. Though we shall never speak of it, we will always remember Sunday, March 10th, 2013: the day the world stood still inside the cafe and thought about political biases.

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Did You Hear? Them Right Wing Politics Is Crazy.

The mustache says “I’m reasonable.” Everything else says he isn’t.

When I came back from Egypt to Oklahoma and American politics, I was disappointed to find similar political currents in the two countries.

Just like advocates of the Muslim Brotherhood, there are some people in the states who would love to see the ascendance of religion in government. And I’m not talking about Muslim extremists plotting a White House takeover.

Rather, I’m talking about a bunch of rather special conservatives who are doing their darndest to take American politics back a few hundred years.

Take Paul Blair, for example. This is a man from Edmond, OK, a pastor at a local church, who has decided that he wants to run for Senate in order to keep the government from getting any bigger (or better), and defend “traditional, Biblical values and our constitution.”

His biggest selling points are his mustache and his exclusively conservative voting record, if that tells you anything about the environment here. And despite how much I attempt to ignore politics, I have heard about this man and seen his ridiculous mustachioed political advertising, which means he has a crap ton of money to campaign with. Plumber Joe, don’t believe Blair when he says he’s just like you.

One of the things that pisses me off the most about Mr. Paul Blair’s campaign is his logo, which is really dumb. Take a look at it here. It’s an American flag topped with a tiny cross.

I’m sure what Blair meant to convey with this truly horrendous act of campaignage was that he’s going to haul his Christian morals to Capital Hill so they remain in our government where they belong.

What I understand from the flag/cross hybrid is quite different. I understand that Mr. Blair either knows very little about American history and government or is willing to bait voters with dangerous religious rhetoric. I understand that Blair does not respect the division between church and state and would prefer the two again become one. In this way, we can re-create ourselves in the image of great nations like Saudi Arabia, Morocco, and Egypt, where religion is an integral part of state identity.

I understand that just like supporters of the Muslim Brotherhood, Blair believes that the government should have a central role in regulating morality, especially through legislation based on a holy document.

Between me and Blair, I believe I am the only one that has lived in an extremely conservative society with a poorly functioning government. (Just to clarify, I’m talking about Egypt here.) There were aspects of Egypt that I liked, but for the most part, I don’t want to see America becoming like it politically in any way, shape, or form. Pluralistic societies are awesome.

So, Mr. Blair, please put down your American cross bayonet before you march into office and start any more ridiculous wars or legislation, and think about the fact that many Christians would be disgusted to see you using a symbol of their religion in order to promote your campaign. While you’re at it, consider how scary it is for many people to see that you are a “Patriot Pastor,” part of an organization called “Reclaiming America for Christ.” Yikes.

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