Guess Who Has 2 Thumbs, a High Platelet Count, and Doesn’t Get Carsick from Reading Anymore

Bachelorette Party was held in surprise location. Sister was thrown under a blanket.

Well, I’m home (points for those who recognized this as a LOTR reference. Negative points for those who don’t know what LOTR stands for–please get a life) and there’s good news and bad news. The good news is that I can now read in the car without vomiting and the bad news is that no one noticed my haircut. I literally had to point it out to everyone before they would even compliment me. On the bright side, because of my reading-in-the-car-abilities, I laughed my way through Bossypants (by Tina Fey) and didn’t think about ralphing even once.

I just arrived back in OKC from five days with people who elongate their o’s just slightly, are too polite to comment on the fact I wore the same dress two days in a row, and say things like, “I just love her!” to my sisters seconds after meeting me. Some of them said slightly culturally inappropriate things like, “Oh! Your cowgirl boots and dress are so cute! It’s so different from the way we dress up here!” or “It was just so nice to meet you people!” And then I wondered if maybe in Chicagoland the phrases “you people” and “different” have positive connotations, because in Boston I learned that those terms tend to define what we call “the other.”

At any rate, the attendees at both the bachelorette party and bridal shower were sweet, down-to-earth Midwesterners who bequeathed my sister with a mountain of gifts that any thief would be lucky to steal. Though many of the women at her bridal shower were complete strangers to my sister, they were all extremely kind and watched with great attention and wonderful oooo’s as the bride-to-be tore an entire forest of wrapping paper off of her presents, revealing all kinds of variations on kitchenware, home decorations, and headlamps.

The bachelorette party was particularly fun, if tame by societal standards. One of the raunchiest highlights was when we played “pin the kiss on the hunk” and someone (gasp!) didn’t aim for the mouth. Can you even do that? The bridal shower was equally tame, though well catered, and held in a home that prioritized the use of the words “faith, love, and hope” in its decoration. There was, however, a question about how many kids the husband wanted to have that caused some minor blushing. Apparently he wants a baker’s dozen, but it’s okay because babies are brought to the chimney by a monster that lives in neighborhood ponds.

Through this experience, I learned that there some things associated with my co-maid of honor position that I am not good at. One of them is wearing above-the-knee-dresses. Another is decorating anything. However, with a crockpot and a recipe in my hands, I become Martha Stewart herself, minus the prison sentence. The same goes with a telephone and a list of strangers to call. These are my fortes, in addition to having a high platelet count, and I look forward to implementing them in the coming 3.5 weeks of wedding preparation.

Coming up this week: a review of my year in Cairo, my one-year blog anniversary, and a job-finding celebration (hopefully.)

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20 thoughts on “Guess Who Has 2 Thumbs, a High Platelet Count, and Doesn’t Get Carsick from Reading Anymore

  1. emsok says:

    Will you be my maid of honor? I’m not engaged but I really like where your head’s at.

  2. Damn Girl, This sounds civilized…..Have fun the next 3.5 weeks.

    • edrevets says:

      The only danger I face is having too much fun cooking for the family and babysitting. Feminist angels are losing their wings all over the place.

  3. Pleun says:

    I so miss my crockpot! Best invention ever! Apart from internet I guess 🙂

  4. Roly says:

    Is the great unveiling of the sister only going to happen at the wedding? 🙂

    • edrevets says:

      I think the cake topper, which is a caricature of her and her beau, will likely make it onto the blog but I have no promises as to a real, live face. She is still under the blanket, however.

  5. Was the blanket akin to the old tradition some people have of kidnapping the groom the night before the wedding? Your sister looks good in blue by the way, which is one of my favorite colors. Love your your new dew (or is it ‘do ?) Like it better than the “BunHead” ‘do you usually have, though you look great either way. Glad the car sick thing is out of the way, that can be nasty. Have a great time prepping for the wedding.

    • edrevets says:

      We lacked a blindfold, but you know the saying: when God throws away a blindfold, he puts a fleece blanket in the car. Wedding stuff should be fun and thanks for the hair compliments.

  6. sillyliss says:

    I am never going near the neighborhood ponds again. And I’m sealing off my chimney!

    Your hair looks totally adorable. Totally. And good job on the not vomiting.

  7. I want babies the way I want rocks: Launched at high speed from a catapult.

  8. Addie says:

    “Guess Who Has 2 Thumbs, a High Platelet Count, and Doesn’t Get Carsick from Reading Anymore ”

    I’m going with Roberta Ferri as the proper answer.

    Did I win anything?

  9. I like your hair, and I’m glad that you captioned that photo and identified the blue shape next to you as your sister, who looks quite unidentifiable. For just an instant, I thought that you had brought a friend from Cairo back with you; an Egyptian woman wearing a burqa, and you were coercing her into having her picture taken, while she was resisting by turning around and facing away from the camera.

    But then I realized that I was being stupid, because I knew that you would NEVER do something like that – right after I read the caption.

  10. faridfareal says:

    I had to look up LOTR. It said LORD OF THE RINGS . Is this correct?

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