Attention everyone,
I’ve claimed all of the ideas. If you have any ideas you’ll need to send them to me immediately. I recently went through an alarming and ultimately unnecessary period in which I felt like I was running out of ideas. After only a short while, I realized that you creeps were taking all of them, and that’s not fair. In order to correct this, I went ahead and patented, copyrighted, trademarked, and carved in stone my absolute and total right to every single idea in existence.
As the idea holder, you can expect me to rule with the fair grace and efficiency of an evil queen. My decisions will be arbitrary but absolutely binding. Those with good ideas will be rewarded with a moment in my presence and those with incredible ideas will be killed in order to keep them from threatening my rule. If you don’t like this system, please let me know immediately so I can have you eliminated.
In order to send me your ideas, I’ve invented a system of computer correspondence, or compcorr, for your convenience. Of all the platforms I’ve developed, there is one called Good Mail—or gmail—that I consider the best and most intuitive. One of the things I’ve learned as supreme idea queen is that some ideas are better than others. The moment you feel yourself having an idea please send me a compcorr and then forget you ever had it. I would say that I appreciate your cooperation but that means you have some sort of choice in the matter, which you don’t, so that sentence is meaningless.
What I mean is, I would like to thank myself for coming up with this incredible idea and being brave enough to claim everyone’s intellectual property as my own. I’m in awe of my own power and I know all of you agree. Should you find this arrogant or self-assuming in any way, please let me know in a compcorr so I can put a chip in your brain and monitor you for future insubordination. Don’t try to resist. Even the very idea of resistance belongs to me, so you can see how pathetic and pointless that would be.
I look forward to hearing from all of you without exception.
Best,
Emily, Idea Empress
Snotting black 
If only I had read this post sooner than now! I would have gladly given you some of my ideas from the last few days, but NO, who am I kidding here? Giving you those ideas would have been very unfair to you, even if it made my life easier.
Part of the job of being idea empress is dealing with the ideas, both good and bad. It’s a difficult job but one I must fulfill nonetheless.
Now that is a very fair arrangement, and it speaks well of the Idea Empress and her recognition of her responsibilities. But for your sake, I’m hoping that you are omniscient too, so you know ahead of arrival what is coming your way. Or at the very least, you know how to duck and cover, and do it faster than the blink of an eye!
This one time, I was at this place, and started thinking about this thing that was doing stuff… Dammit! You really have taken everything! meh.
Better just to give up now….we’ll all be happy that way.
Dear Idea Empress… what a novel idea. With our last Collective Idea, your readers have chipped in and taken up a collection to purchase electrodes, wire and a generator. You will be contacted and notified when to show up.
As long as there are snacks I’m in.
[insert your idea of a thoughtful comment here]
“Oh hail great Empress. My life is complete in serving you with my thought bubbles.”
Sound good?
I have a hobo tied up in my basement, lovingly named Twisty, who gives me all my great ideas in return for beans. And no, I’m not sharing. I’m just too great.
I’m the Idea empress, not the judge of people’s ways to get the best ideas possible.
No comment …
Well I’m sure you loved it.
Enjoyed this post. It’s like Loki in Germany to those people: Freedom is a lie. You need a ruler. 😀
Something I’ve always believed with the passion of someone who knows they’ll never be able to fly.
Is this a great post? I have no idea!
Yes. It is.
I just had a totally awesome idea: how about you sign over all of your newly obtained intellectual property to me? You can totally take that idea.
Wait!!!!, I just had another idea!!!… oh…wait… it’s the same one.
And now they’re all mind. That is the beauty of this system.
I humbly beg to serve, my Queen! >.<
I accept. You begin now and finish never.
Yes, my Gracious Queen.
Found your blog cuz of jensine….so glad she posted about you….count me in as one of your stalkers now….and as Obi-Wan would say “…these are not the ideas you are looking for”…..
Sorta late to party….but TAG you are it! Please stop by my blog….you don’t want to be it forever….and this is not freeze tag! 🙂
Whoa! I need to move a little faster—thanks for the tag!
I accept your stalking! Thanks for reading as well as tagging.
Did this used to be known as Wriiter’s block. But a Blog with no Editor and nothing but adoring fans should preclude the dreaded writer’s block.
If there’s nothing else to write about, write about writer’s block. This is the secret of the man on the mountain. He’s also got an espresso maker.
Yeah, I already wrote this blog a year ago.
I think you’ll see that’s impossible.
Never had a good idea in my life!!! ( kow toweng, backing from your receiving chamber,pulling forelock ) Nope not me!!!
Hahahahaha (evil laughter) you are correct, very correct. Remember this always.
Haven’t had a good idea since ’09. Can I borrow the one about the kidnapped boy so I can use it for my class.
Yes but I want it back later.
loved it… 🙂
Thank you very much for reading!
Awesome. Now I don’t have to worry about not having an idea for the ending of my novel. Sweet, sweet lack of responsibility.
Yes please forward me the manuscript and I’ll write up something suitable. I’m an Idea Empress, not a promise breaker.
How can you steal my ideas when I have none? So, HA! Fooled you!
You laugh now, but soon the very idea of laughter will be mine.
DAMN YOU!! *shaking fist*
I had that dea years ago that was why you were running out … I was sucking them all away through teh atmospher … I think … or was it all just a dream ???
Hmmm….this reminds me. I should probably claim dreams too. People tend to get inspiration from them.
Here’s an idea. You could write about peanut butter. Wait. I think I stole that idea. From you. Never mind.
My next original idea will be my first.
We’re all looking forward to it, especially me because I’ll be the one that owns it. And I feel like I’m long due for another peanut butter post. It has proven to be a source of almost endless inspiration. Almost.
what about my bad ideas?
Give those to my sister.
“If you don’t like this system, please let me know immediately so I can have you eliminated.” Amazing. 😀
Thanks, josh the younger. I first thought your name was Josh the Yammer. That could be a lot of things.
That’s so weird, I had the same idea. Or no, wait, I didn’t. You did. Or did I?
I have to go lie down.
The key is to think but not too hard….you might want to leave this one to the pros.
totally…..
We’re on the same page here I see.