His first meeting at a client’s home.
Okay, I like this villa thing you have going on here. It’s very simple, very real….but I just feel like we can make it more raw, you know, like people walk into your home and all of the sudden they’re afraid. BOOM. SCARED. You see what I’m saying? Like they’re walking up to your house—what are your plans for the front yard, by the way, because I think we should fill it up with fleshy tropical plants and really thick undergrowth—oh you haven’t decided yet? Okay well you should give some consideration to a mud based yard with fern undergrowth and giant palms that a path can wind through mysteriously, like people can’t see your house from the street—oh and we gotta get those garden speakers that look like stones and have all kinds of nature noises.
We’ll get some scuffling and rooting around noises and maybe some low growls. Are the growls are too much? Okay I guess we can just go with the rooting —yeah I’m definitely getting some kind of vision here. And now that I’m looking at your ceiling I can’t help but think we just need to tear it off and replace it with dirty glass like an abandoned green house, but here’s the best part, we shatter part of the ceiling and put a tattered blue tarp over it, just to make people think, “Oh god what happened here?”
So we got a blue tarp covered shattered glass ceiling with those iron beams and pre-rusted screws sticking out everywhere…..how do you feel about leaving glass shards on the ground? You’ll have to wear shoes in the house, but it’ll be worth it for the stealth decorating points. Your guests won’t know if you accidentally forgot to clean the glass up or if you’re just that good at making them uncomfortable. Because as soon as they come in, they’re going to feel aware, you know, just really aware of everything because they know something’s not quite right and so their adrenaline is going to get pumping and their bodies are going to be telling them to FLEE.
Oh and how much plant life can we get in here? I say we dig up 30 percent of every room and plant a bunch of fleshy palms. We can get more stone speakers to spread the atmosphere, maybe get a couple dozen geckos and some birds and stuff….get things nice and tropical. We should probably break a lot of these windows and get some ambiguous animal scratches on the wall.
And then in the dining room we can put the outdated medical equipment and curious looking scientific instruments. These will make great conversation pieces if anyone ever wants to stay for dinner, and just think of the fun you can have with the roast at Christmas.
Jurassic Park references never get extinct! But you might want to add a few rusty, beaten-down, neglected Ford Explorers sitting in the front yard. And a big, big table of quickly-melting desserts (“Spared no expense!”).
I’ll pass the suggestions on to my higher ups and take credit for them. Thanks!
No splashes of blood?
This guy’s a hack.
He’s in for a surprise when it turns out he’s not leaving the very house he worked so hard to design.
haha! I’m definitely getting some kind of vision here… Actually, I would love to be a set decorator. How fun would that be? My house is the only “set” I’ve decorated and when your low on funds it never turns out to match the vision! ha!
It would be soooo fun, especially with a huge budget….I’m a LOTR nerd so it would have been fun to imagine those scenes and hang out in the tree houses and stuff.
I want to know what happened to the rest of Samuel Jackson.
That’s something between you, a couple bags of sweet sweet cash, and the set designer.