Because arm stumps are gross.
I was brushing my teeth yesterday and noticed my left arm was still bothering me. I looked down and realized there was nothing left of it besides a bloody stump that ended at the elbow in a jagged open wound. Blood dripped onto the white tiled floor and I thought to myself, “That explains a lot.”
Snotting black 
That’s the great thing about arms and legs – they grow back.
that’s why I keep them around!
I rarely respond to people who comment on my numerous Freshly Presses pieces, because I am entirely too busy being famous and doing things like accepting the Pulitzer Prize. But you wrote something about “To the blogger who writes from the point of view of a dog…” and that made no sense to me because I have no canine point of view. So I thought you meant “From…” and I checked you out and read some of your posts. I found no dogs, but you are seriously wacko funny. I like that, and I’m going to post something about your blog this week. Don’t thank me. Just send money. A lot.
Tons of money coming your way…I’ll just post it in another comment on your blog.
But seriously thanks so much for the kind words! I try to keep it fresh here even if it’s not always pressed—-I hope you didn’t have to forgo a few Pulitzers on my account for commenting back. Thanks again!
How annoying!
Don’t you just hate it when that happens??
I know! It’s almost as annoying as when I’m driving down the road and I have my window open and it get’s really windy in the car and my glass eye pops out onto the freeway. Then I have to make a stop at the glass eye store which is like 50 miles away from where I am. I wish I had a nickel for every time that happened!
Yikes! As scary as it must’ve been, this dream sounds ‘armless.
Sorry.
If it happens it happens. That’s pretty much all I can say.
Wait – if it was just a stump then how did you hold the toothbrush with one hand while you squeezed the toothpaste tube with the other?
Something smells fishy here…
it’s probably just the smell of my rapidly putrifying wound.
Please tell me you didn’t accidentally brush your teeth with ooze from the stump…
Unfortunately there are no guarantees. I can’t even guarantee that I used my own toothbrush.