RIP: Fake Epitaphs for a Real Life

epitaph_of_an_improviser

You don’t often get to say “I drew my own grave today.”

R.I.P. Emily Drevets, 1989-2280

What will they say about you when you pass on? Who’s opinion matters the most to you? Do you think you’re on your way to being remembered the way you want to be remembered?

I don’t know the answer to any of those questions, but I came up with some true and hopefully true epitaphs that might adorn my tombstone, even though I’d like to be cremated and have my ashes spread in a vegetable garden. Making epitaphs is more fun than suggesting ash-scattering locations.

She always answered her email.
A consummate professional and friend.
Her emails were easy to read and contained very few typos.
She never dumped her personal life onto her Facebook friends.
She never gave money to the homeless. She just didn’t know what was the right thing to do.
She tried to get what she wanted out of life. She was pretty sure she knew what that was.
She sought out the unknown unknowns.
She called her mom every week.
A frugal dresser.
She wasn’t too picky about the food she ate.
She never spent too much on cosmetics.
Paid little attention to things that bored her.
Doodler.
She never knew quite what to do with Twitter.
Oft more afraid than others knew, she sometimes struggled with asking for help.
She wanted to remember everything, but only remembered some things.
She wanted to do everything, but only did some things.
She enjoyed sharing mundane details of her life with other people.
Mighty consumer of oatmeal and peanut butter.
She never understood fashion.
She had trouble understanding why others might feel differently than her about some things.
She told multiple people she wanted to be a tree but never became one.
She didn’t know what the criteria were for regretting something.
She really liked the sound her iPad made when it closed.
She finally walked on foot through the mountains.
She found love in the end.
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5 thoughts on “RIP: Fake Epitaphs for a Real Life

  1. Archon's Den says:

    I thought you’d stopped blogging when you moved to SF. WordPress gave me your link. I must try to stop back whenever possible. I just had it suggested that I format an obituary post, “Just in case.” Thanx for the ideas. 🙂

  2. By the way, all these would make excellent tweets #RIP

  3. craigruark says:

    She was smart, witty, and pretty…a pity that she didn’t know it.

  4. tomwisk says:

    Emily Drevets, made a lot of people think.

  5. She really liked the sound her iPad made when it closed.

    >> This. My Zen moment starts when this happens. 🙂

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