Me and God Kicking it at Six Flags

Yeah, we did this one too.

Instead of participating in class today, I daydreamed about going to an amusement park with God.

I was wearing my adventure sandals and he was in his Old Testament kicks and rocking those sweet B.C. robes. He got us both in for free because he knew someone at the front gate and right away we decided our goal was to go on every single roller coaster at least once. We had gotten there early and spent the entire day dominating the place—zooming through the rides and egging on park employees in a good way, as if bantering with me and Holy Joe was the fulfillment of their entire careers as amusement park workers.

God had every right to be unimpressed with the amusement park, what with its sausagy people, the endemic smell of old nacho cheese, and the inevitable onset of line-depression. He had every right to be like, “My Child, this blows. Do you want to go to Waffle House?” or “My Child, this is lame. I shall call upon the bird with the greatest wingspan and we shall ride upon it until the furthest reaches of the earth” or “My Child, this is a place of depravity and it will be destroyed in 3….2….1…..”

Instead, he had a great time running around and armpitting people on the rides and making funny faces for the coaster cam. One time his beard got in the mouths of people behind us and they were pissed but at the end of the ride he turned around and sincerely said that he was sorry and that they were also forgiven. God was just a chill dude who liked to chow down on funnel cake after going on the Tilt-a-Swirl and before entering the Cistern of Death.

At one point, we were on the Ferris wheel and he decided to have a little fun—-just when we had reached the crest, he stopped time. The earth’s rotation, the sun’s burning, every physic of motion was halted and he just sustained all of it through his awesome power. Then we sat at the top of the world and looked out over a sunset that lasted forever. He was wearing his baseball cap sideways and he turned to me saying, “Pretty nice, huh.” I just rolled my eyes. “Get over yourself.”

He snapped his fingers and the world started up again, the wheel gently lowering us to ground level like a friendly giant. We ended up going on all the roller coasters except for one because we ran out of time before the park closed.

I was dead tired that night and slept the whole way home.

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27 thoughts on “Me and God Kicking it at Six Flags

  1. […] you liked this post, you might like Me and God Kicking it at Six Flags and God in the Kitchen, Making […]

  2. I think God was on a ride with me at the amusement park one day. I was on the Ferris wheel and got stuck at the top for like 20 minutes while they fixed something. It was actually pretty cool because it was such a pretty day, and I actually enjoyed the view and got so relaxed I took a short nap. How awesome is that?

  3. Really enjoyed this inspiring story of you and Jehovah riding all those holy roller coasters! 🙂

  4. ro says:

    He the type of creator that does want every moment he can with us. Even if there are “sausagy people” involved. I’m pretty sure that He says in the new testament, Matthew 9:11-13 But when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with such scum (sausagy people)?” When Jesus heard this, he said, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick (sausagy) people do.” Then he added, “Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners (sausagy).”

    This was a great read, I think you should make it a a recurring segment, like “Kicking it with God.” You could go places like Wal-Mart, weddings, funerals, mini-golf, the ski’s the limit. If you don’t, I might have to. Awesome.

  5. Ape No. 1 says:

    Fantastic and clever post. Loved the time constraint paradox at the end.

  6. Pooja says:

    Favorite line (yes, this is becoming a thing): One time his beard got in the mouths of people behind us and they were pissed but at the end of the ride he turned around and sincerely said that he was sorry and that they were also forgiven.

  7. That was great.I hear Lucifer is a little to stiff to get loose and down with something like that but I went to a state fair / rodeo with Pan one time.Had a blast but I still don’t understand what the women saw in those furry little legs and cloven hooves.Played a pretty good flute though.

  8. tedstrutz says:

    I think this is one of the best pieces you have done, that I have read, Emily. A fresh voice… a clever amusement… I loved the line spent the entire day dominating the place… I think God will dig it!

  9. In heaven there WILL be amusement parks, and the rides will be the best. Oh, and no lines! Your post made me happy.

  10. jensine says:

    that sounds like so much free fun I am impressed

  11. Yeah, he’s pretty cool. But Dionysus was the original party animal. He can always get in to all the coolest clubs. AND he kills hangovers instantly!

  12. tomwisk says:

    You’ve got a great travlin’ bud. He can be a gas. People think about Him and think all He does is flood stuff and put the fear of Himself into those who choose to live in Tornado Alley. He likes to kick back and watch the people. He picked good choosing you as partner.

    • edrevets says:

      Well, he is God. I like to think he knows a thing or two about his people—plus he’ll be around long enough for trips with everyone to the park.

  13. minlit says:

    Now, there’s a god I could believe in. Tell him to fb me if he ever gets the job.

  14. sirarmany says:

    i love it specially for people who think god is an angry one except he is full of sense of humour. You rock.

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