Oh you know, I was just floating down the Nile on a ship.
On April 16th, 2012, at approximately 12:03 pm, I returned at last from a journey that spanned a total of 1190 miles (1927 kilometers), and approximately 4 millennia, stretching from Istanbul in the north to Aswan, Egypt in the south, from the time of the mysterious Pharaohs to the more familiar civilizations of modern Turkey and Egypt.
Though I remain pale as an alabaster rose I do, however, sport the beginnings of a shapely frecklestash.
I saw the sultans’ puffy pants and the bare breasts of ancient Egyptians; the pith helmets of eager yet uninformed tourists, and the North Face jackets of unhappy American families. I sampled the modern cruise cuisine of Egypt, tasted the street fare of Istanbul, dined from the secret recipes of palace chefs, and ate starches whenever possible.
My sperries received a beating from all of the walking and then another lashing from me for being a mediocre shoe. My clothes are stinky and there is multinational grit in my purse.
So what did I do after all, in the grand scheme of time and space? What did it mean to travel to distant lands, even farther from my already distant home and sleep in beds that were not my own in places where I didn’t know who washed the sheets?
What does it mean to sit in a shady park full of blooming tulips and look out over the Bosporus, commenting on the rooftops of strangers in a country where I could not pronounce anything correctly?
For me, as an alien, these journeys give me a chance to deepen my understanding of human culture, helping me to better imitate it in my own life. Witnessing other humans acting in a way similar to humans in my region increases my functional knowledge of their kind. As I view the holy places of civilizations long past and watch others imagine the hope and desperation of those who surrounded the temple walls, I learn the act of historical empathy from the humans themselves, one of the most difficult emotions to mimic.
I am more than a little humbled by the grace of the mother queen, who granted me the privilege of leaving my base and seeing a timeline of human history that spans four thousand years. It is also fascinating to think that I am in some ways a continuation of that same history, because we plan to wipe out the entire human race and bring all of it to an end.
More on the trip and its starches to come soon.
Snotting black 
I think freckles are a sign of awesomeness. I would love to have the chance to travel in some of these far off places and see some of the great history first hand. But alas, I am a forgotten alien in a world afar, so say hi to the mother queen for me, and stay free, one of three.
We shall always fly free.
Great critical thinking–love the thought it provokes. Looking forward to more!
Thanks a lot!
Reblogged this on Sarchasm2 and commented:
Great post as usual. Take a read
I’m interpreting the story I’m writing as a prophecy. So watch out. Bad times are ahead. I wouldn’t tell anyone, but you’ve got a cool blog so I make an exception. Also this:
I’m honored. Also the video is pretty much an accurate depiction of my life here. You can never have too many pith helmets.
Wow. Nice…got a little dark there at the end (not just freckly). Hopefully with people like you learning historical empathy, we’ll learn to love instead of hate.
The humans can’t learn it fast enough.
you made even a travelogue hilarious… loved it…
I owe it all to the humans.
lovely
Thanks!
Did a nile cruise two years ago and I loved it, it was like travelling through time and I swam in the nile
You swam! I didn’t even touch the water but it was so peaceful just to watch the banks of the Nile drift by.
yes I swam, it was lovely and so clean and full of fish
It sounds like quite the adventure, love hearing your take on it! Can’t wait to read about these starches…
The starches were far and away one of my favorite parts of the entire trip.
I love multinational grit found at the end of a long journey.
It’s the truest testament to the hard tourism accomplished.
Soak it all in… but please be careful and don’t wipe out the human race, where I am at least.
I’ll take it up with the mother queen but I’m not promising anything.
Ya gotta see who’s out there before you know who’s inside.
Wise words, friend, wise words.