Miracles of English Cooking: Part One

The ultimate picture of romanticism.

This is the inaugural post of a possibly endless series on the achievements of British cookery. But before I begin, a few disclaimers: Though I have not, in recent memory, called Africa or Europe a country, I have been guilty of other geographical oopsies. Feel free to correct me should I–God forbid–make a mistake. I, in turn, will feel free to ignore the correction and openly mock the person who made it. I also apologize in advance to any British food lovers that I might offend throughout this series. If it makes you feel any better, please check back for an upcoming series on the Miracles of Midwestern Cooking. Or see the site: http://thisiswhyyourefat.tumblr.com/

English cuisine is known the world round for being only slightly better than its Irish cousin, which is based on one stolid pillar of a salted potato. Indeed, it was only through rampant imperialism that the British ever got to taste actual food. One could even say that India saved British taste buds from becoming obsolete.

Nowadays, London is sprinkled with some of the finest food in the world and consequently, British food is no longer a guaranteed letdown. Indeed, some say it even competes with the cookery of Midwestern America, where cream of mushroom soup is the housewife’s cure-all. However, it still behooves us to examine some of the more bizarre and unpleasantly named dishes, such as the Scotch egg, black pudding, and Marmite.

Today we learn of the Scotch egg. According to “uklaine” on allrecipes.com, Scotch eggs are “Hard boiled eggs wrapped with a seasoned sausage meat. A meal that goes over great at a party or with a salad for a light dinner.” What she fails to mention in this description is that the egg, cozy in its meat blanket, is also rolled in bread crumbs and then deep fried, making its inclusion in anything called a “light meal” more than dubious. It is certain, however, that the Scotch egg is delicious. How can the words hard boiled, egg, sausage, meat, and fry not describe a dish worthy of the royal tongue (another British delicacy).

According to an article on BBC food, the Scotch egg also makes a special picnic treat. I recommend that the next time you want to wow your lass or laddie, take 8 scotch eggs, 2 Lipitor tablets, and a jug of Kool-Aid to the nearest field. Prepare yourself for overwhelming romanticism as you both fall into a food coma while your body attempts to cope with the deluge of cholesterol and fat. It may be the closest you get to having a communal, spiritual nap.

Stay tuned tomorrow for instructions on how to make Scotch eggs and woo a lover.

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54 thoughts on “Miracles of English Cooking: Part One

  1. Margie says:

    We lived in the UK for two years, and never once stumbled over the Scotch Egg. We did encounter a Spotted Dick (pudding) shortly after our arrival and that was as good a reason as any to be very cautious about British food.

  2. […] we complete the Scotch egg trilogy, part of the Miracles of British Cookery series. (parts 1 and 2 […]

  3. Yes. Never in my life have I seen anything like this, but according to many conservative politicians, this is a person already. I don’t know if I can eat it.

  4. Emily, one of three, the queen of comedic rhetoric, I love reading your stories. I have yet to find one that is not only informative but doesn’t leave me laughing out loud. You have a gift that will certainly entertain for a long time. Which is how long I plan on reading your stories. I bet if you put a light coat of flour on the eggs the meat will stick rather nicely. I think one could probably tame down the caloric intake here by using whole wheat flour and a good olive oil. Sounds rather tasty. Might have to try it after I see your recipe.

    • edrevets says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words! I don’t know if you saw the post on how to make a Scotch egg, but it was informative only in a metaphorical sense. I did however, in this post at the very end give a link to a real, though untested, recipe. While I was searching I also saw recipes for baked Scotch Eggs, which sound good.

      Thanks again for reading!

  5. […] The series inspired by British cuisine continues….see part one here. […]

  6. Ape No. 1 says:

    Is the image above an actual Scotch egg or the cross section of an individual who has indulged in one too many?

  7. debsykate says:

    great post- British food is wonderful, do try black pudding, it is totally delicious. Best thing about food in this country though- is the desserts and puddings. Steamed sponge puddings, Spotted dick, bakewell tart, blackberry crumble…traditional christmas cake… mmm We may not have the biggest range of flavours of any world cuisine but we do have the best puddings.

  8. joehoover says:

    There are so many standards if scotch egg, generic supermarket ones are bland and soggy tasting, you need a fesh one for those crisp breadcrumbs. Luckily pubs now sell them as bar snacks here, but at about £2.50 each I give them a miss.

    Black Pudding and Marmite, I can’t wait, two of my favourite things.

    • edrevets says:

      I will admit that I really want to try making the Scotch eggs—they look delicious–just not in that picture. It’s really quite a brilliant concept.

      I hope you like the forthcoming posts—I’ll be forced to talk about Marmite in a semi-favourable light because I tried it, and yes, I did like it.

      • joehoover says:

        A homemade egg will be much better, the mass produced are really bland.

        I absolutely love Marmite, a friend moved to Australia and converted to Vegemite, I defriended her for this shamless act of treason.

  9. LWSpotts says:

    I love Scotch eggs. We were introduced to them in, of all places, Chattanooga TN. There was this cool pub called Durty Nelly’s that served excellent British dishes. Scotch eggs were on the appetizer menu, and they were my favorite item.

    • edrevets says:

      Whoa! I went to a pub called Durty Nelly in San Francisco…it had a fireplace and real Irish people, but no Scotch eggs. I’m sure the eggs are very delicious…I’m a huge fan of sausage. I just love the concept of a hardboiled egg wrapped in a meat blanket. It was almost too good to be true, but I’m glad to see it wasn’t.

  10. kelsgonebush says:

    I have never tried a scotch egg .. I must do that soon 😉
    Well us Aussies are not known for our inventive cooking either .. I come from a country that is know for meat pies and beer .. preferably consumed whilst watching AFL 😀

    (Aussie rules footy if you have no idea what the hell that meant – I barely understand it myself ).

  11. Shawn Bailey says:

    Curious and naive fat man asks: Is the shell still on it? If not, how do you get the damn thing in there? And if so, what’s the point if I can’t just shove the thing directly in my mouth and burn a layer of skin off the roof of my mouth?

    • edrevets says:

      The shell is not still on, and I’m not sure exactly how you make them. According to Dienna, it’s hard to get the meat to stay on. This is what culinary school is for.

  12. Don’t forget the side of honey mustard dressing for dipping. Mmm Mmm good.

  13. Dienna says:

    I love scotch eggs! I wish I were more skilled at making them, though. Tried once and the meat fell off the egg. Practice makes perfect and all that jazz.

  14. El Guapo says:

    Do the making and wooing happen together?
    If so, I’m going to need a bigger kitchen.

  15. The Waiting says:

    I am going to take a stab at writing a tag line for this dish:

    Scotch Eggs: The Food You Never Knew You Were Craving

  16. Funny. Maybe you’ll get Freshly Pressed under the food tag again. Or… does WP have a “scotch egg” tag for FP? That could be happening for you too. Lol 🙂

  17. zannyro says:

    Since we already have fried twinkies at our State Fair, I expect to see this on the menu come august……

  18. Caitlin says:

    scotch eggs!!

  19. George Weaver says:

    Good grief! Brits actually eat Scotch egg? This post is hysterically funny.

  20. I’ll have you know that Boston baked beans with bacon rinds, pig lard, with a pound of molasses boiled for an hour and then baked for two more . . . is much worse. No amount of Lipitor can fix that. So there. : )

  21. jokerbiker says:

    You wait till you get to Deep Fried Mars Bars !!

  22. artzent says:

    Girl, You are a HOOT! I cannot stop laughing at “royal tongue” Man, I wish that I had your gift for words and humor. I stand, no sit in awe!

  23. tomwisk says:

    As a former kitchen rat tonight I’m going for a staple of British cuisine, fish and chips. I’m not stupid enough to follow all the authentic recipes I found on-line. These will have flavor. I loathe hard-boiled eggs, a childhood trauma, but if there’s a way to kill the taste of HB eggs I’d try Scotch Eggs.

    • edrevets says:

      You’re defying British senses! Vinegar and salt are the only spices that belong on fish and chips!

      And I’d say sausage is one of the ideal ways of smothering almost any flavor.

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