Is Peanut Butter Good For You?

This is enough peanut butter for roughly three days.

Yes. It’s what we in the medical community call a “healthy food,” and it should form a significant portion, if not the majority, of your diet. Most white, male doctors recommend eating 4-8 tablespoons of peanut butter a day (32- 64g) in order to maximize its health benefits. These include decreased excess energy, facial sprouting, peanut mouth, and a heightened sense of disclarity.

If you’re trying to lose weight, female doctors say you should replace two meals a day with half a cup (64g) of peanut butter and wash it down with one cup (128g) whole milk. In order to see the best results while using peanut butter, you should also avoid eating vegetables or other bulky foods like whole wheat and oatmeal, since they will only hinder your body from taking in more peanut butter.

In addition to being a nutritious oral food product, peanut butter is also scientifically proven to have effects as a hair treatment, carpet cleaner, and virus removal software for your personal computer.

Just as peanut butter performs the sacred cohesive act in a sandwich made with crustless white bread, it is also a driving force of social cohesion. Countries whose populations consume a high amount of peanut butter, like the United States of America and Mali, are generally referred to as “paradises on earth,” which is sociologist speak for “a great place to live.”  Countries with low rates of gross peanut butter consumption, like Belgium and Egypt, are more prone to social unrest and mayonnaise based diets. Even though mayonnaise is a nutrient the body needs, basing an entire nutrition system on it will undoubtedly hinder the television production capacities of said countries.

If you have any more questions about whether peanut butter is good for you or not, please re-read the paragraphs above and don’t call me at home.

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39 thoughts on “Is Peanut Butter Good For You?

  1. So glad I had PB&J sandwich for dinner tonight! 😛
    Did you know you can also feed the birds with PB? (http://www.marthastewart.com/272458/feed-the-birds) LOL

  2. Oh, dude.. So jealous. Gave up PB for Lent bc I’m Catholic and it’s getting BAD. 😦
    Feeling total withdrawal symptoms right now… Counting the days ’til Easter.

  3. LMAO…..I just simultaneously laughed out loud and puked a little in my mouth ……I love peanut butter but I always feel like I smell like it for hours after, and if you carry it around in your bag all morning before you eat it your bag smells like it for days.

  4. shoes says:

    Mmmm – peanut butter.

    It also works well for removing sticky tree sap from ones skin. And as an added benefit to this you get to smear the stuff all over the affected sappy areas and who secretly doesn’t want to do that?!?

  5. beefybooyawn says:

    I bathe in peanut butter.

  6. Archon's Den says:

    Does your therapist know about your strange fixations with food? Are there any therapists in Egypt? Would any of them trust you to get near them. Did you move there from WVA to get away fom them? Anyway, another strangely entertaining, or is that entertainingly strange, post. More, more, more.

    • edrevets says:

      Just wait for tomorrow’s post. My uncle’s a psychiatrist and part of me is always afraid of talking to him because he might diagnose me with something.

      So far I’ve gotten off scotch free. I hope he doesn’t read the blog.

  7. Hey! How did you get a hold of MY peanut butter? That’s Teddie Super Chunky Old Fashioned All Natural peanut butter! I was wondering where my jar went. Apparently you’ve got it in Cairo, Egypt!

  8. brains says:

    You sure? Lotsa fat in peanut butter. PB and pasta have about the same amount of protein. However, pasta has carbs and Pb has fat. I’d rather have the carbs because it’s easier to burn off than fat.

  9. Glad I’m allergic to peanut butter.

  10. mj monaghan says:

    Oh, I must increase my PB intake, for sure!!

  11. Delicious. Turns out I’m drastically under-eating my Doctor recommended daily dose of PB… Can’t wait to see an increase in facial sprouting, this is great news!

  12. kitchenmudge says:

    Peanut butter, jelly, and one’s choice of wheat-based bread fuels the master race.

    • edrevets says:

      Humans? Yes I agree. I agree indeed.

      • kitchenmudge says:

        It occurred to me later that the facetious use of that “master race” phrase might not be understood everywhere. Sorry if I confused anybody. There are forums of trolls trolling trolls trolling trolls where any group with which one associates oneself is called “master race”. It’s a standard old joke, but maybe only in certain circles.

  13. prttynpnk says:

    And all these years I thought it was just for getting pills into the dog. I will go and live a better life now.

  14. Addie says:

    Best when surrounded by chocolate.

  15. sillyliss says:

    Shoot. I’ve been on the all mayo diet for a while. I was going in the totally wrong direction!

  16. Rich Crete says:

    All of a sudden I have this yearning….a deep seeded need….a hankering….a craving for…….Cheetos.
    But peanut butter would be a good substitute. Although licking your fingers after eating mass quantities of peanut butter isn’t nearly as fun.
    I’ll have to try peanut butter on my computer. Learning things is why I come here. Thanks.

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