My life has recently consisted largely of spending time in Cilantro, an upscale coffee shop/café/place to get wi-fi. Despite the large number of pounds I have spent here, I feel my time has not been well served for the following reasons, in addition to the basic fact that I don’t work well in coffee shops.
1. I order a latte and get hopped up on caffeine which makes me jittery, nervous, paranoid, and prone to distraction.
2. I am surrounded by people that I want to stare at and/or talk to.
3. There is a window that I want to stare at.
4. Cars are honking and the wind is blowing and these things are distracting
5. I drink my latte too quickly and then it feels like I’ve done everything I want to do, resulting in restlessness and procrastination of everything I’ve remembered I have to do
6. I forget to check my to-do list because I’m distracted.
7. I feel continually underdressed. I will never fit in clothing-wise anywhere except for gas stations in the south or christian potlucks hosted at apartments.
8. I go with people I know and have conversations with them. After each conversation I’ve completely forgotten what I was doing, where I am, and what my name is.
9. I feel guilty because I’m not speaking Arabic/doing anything with Arabic. The weight of the guilt makes it impossible to get anything done.
10. The internet doesn’t work.
A good part of coming here is partaking in the wisdom of previous Cilantro customers, some of which is written on the wall in faux-graffiti style. One lovely patron said the following gem: Sometimes you love someone somewhere in sometime; which you can’t do anything 2 stop it….but it exists.
But what do you do if that person is not “real?” Or if he’s Conan O’Brien? I NEED TO KNOW MORE!
Snotting black 