So I’m heading to Italy today. In 25 minutes I will be leaving my house to bake in the noon heat for 10 minutes before getting into a cab taking us to the airport and then getting into a big ol’ airplane and flying away for a short 9 day trip where I will sample the wonders of Rome, San Benedetto del Tronto, and Bologna.
Goals for the trip:
1. Eat Italian food. This one could prove to be difficult. I hear Italian food is hard to find and usually expensive when you do. Luckily, there are some great websites that have miraculously located places with passable fare.
2. Drink fermented Italian beverages. I’m no alkie but sometimes the fact you can only choose between expensive crap and cheap crap here in Egypt gets annoying. Besides, I hear there are more than 4 beer choices in Italy. Rumor only? We shall see.
3. Sit in a meadow and breathe.
4. Nap on the beach in a one piece bathing suit.
5. Find something with little blue flowers on it to purchase and call my own. Place in someone else’s bag and claim they stole it.
6. Find cool gifts for the family to replace what I originally planned to bring back for them: pyramid keychains and little piles of sand.
7. Get in as many people’s photos as possible while at touristy sites like the Colosseum and the Pope’s wax museum.
8. Go to a hair salon and get my bangs cut. Refuse to pay and see what happens.
9. Speak with an Italian accent the whole time and see how many best friends I make.
10. Verify my hypothesis that Spanish and Italian are actually the same language.
11. Take a nap at least once.
12. Claim I am the direct descendant of the last emperor and declare my rule over Italy via public service announcement.
13. Pretend to be German and wear socks with my sandals.
14. Coat myself in glue and then roll in macaroni. Run through the streets screaming like the famous Italian macaroni monster.
15. Say “Mamma mia!” as many times as possible.
16. Stare at my travel companion on the train when he’s not looking at me and then look away quickly when he suspects something. Repeat continually.
17. Politely ask flight attendants to not make eye contact with me and explain I usually sit in the first class but there was a misunderstanding with my company and they booked the wrong ticket.
18. Blend in with the locals by covering my face in pizza sauce.
19. Pick and eat my own wild mushrooms.
20. Make a new facebook friend.
21. Fight a wild boar to the death. Eat its flesh.
22. Purchase a new spear and go truffle hunting.
That about covers it. Wish me luck on my adventures that will likely center around deciding which restaurant to eat at next; nothing too scary. I probably won’t be blogging while in Italy, but as soon as I get back I will go into a blogging frenzy that won’t stop until I’ve communicated all of the awesome thoughts I had while abroad, which are bound to be many.